The World Trade Center Towers
“Lucy”
I knew that morning that something was going to be different. But knowing it meant nothing, because it led me to no alternatives. I went to work that morning with a nagging in my head and in my stomach that something felt different, so I just went about my day, wondering what it was I was sensing.
Thoughts went through my head as I commuted to work. I thought maybe there was a meeting I had forgotten about, or maybe a project that needed attention. I didn’t know what it was, but in the rush of traffic and commuters, didn’t give it too much thought. By the time I got to work, there wasn’t much time to dwell on it before my answer came to me.
I’ve always been a religious person and believed that we all get what we come here for, and believed that everything happened with a purpose. But when you are faced with the fires of hell, no one can tell you that is for a reason. No one can convince you this will all end well. No one can hold your hand tight enough for you to feel secure and hopeful. I wish I could say my leap from the building was one I had reconciled with God and that I knew I was going to heaven and then this disaster would be over for me. But it isn’t what happened. I feared for everything, and it wasn’t so much a run toward heaven as it was an escape from hell. I clung to the building before I fell – hoping for any other answer; hoping a helicopter could reach me and carry me gently to safety and another day of life. But no one could get to us and as the heat and smoke overcame me more, my body sweated and weakened and I lost my grip. I think maybe if I had believed enough that this would end differently, I could have held on longer, I could have sought for another way out, another, better solution. But I think by the time I had gotten to that point – shaking, crying, weakening in spirit as well as body – I just allowed the inevitable to happen. And I let go.
My fists and body were tight as I fell. I felt myself go into a fetal position – in and out of the world with the same fears, I imagine. Then suddenly a sense of calm took over and I didn’t feel that I was a part of the world anymore. I didn’t feel any more fear, or aching, or inability to breathe. Everything was peaceful and calming. I was floating instead of falling; serene instead of fearful. You have heard stories of some who fell and whose eyes were still open or bodies still moving when we landed. Don’t worry – none of us was still in our bodies. We had been rescued by then and felt no pain. I don’t remember feeling anything after my spirit was released, which I didn’t know had happened, because it happened so seamlessly, and the only clue was the transition between fear and serenity. It was a transition - unlike the reason for death that day - of mercy.
We all made it here safely. But we do ask for your continued prayers. If you are not sure where to direct your prayers, just pray for all involved. The love will go where it is most needed. And pray for yourselves as well. There is much to be accomplished on earth and it is not so impossible as it seems. You all have much more to you than you think. And we thank you for your love.
