When first I found myself on a street in Paris, I thought I had found Nirvana. People were everywhere, in crowded streets, but not crowded. Full of life and feeling that they were right with the world, and they were right in it. It was made for them. There seemed nothing about them that was uncomfortable with who they were and where they were and what they would do with their days or their lives. They had their struggles, but their struggles didn’t define them. The good times defined them. It was miraculous to me. I had been in England, where all was disastrous, disease, and famine and life was defined by pain – for most, anyway. Not for the upper crust, but they were such a small part of any society. It was the people, not the rich, who most amused and astonished me. They could laugh at anything and for many of them, they had to, or they may never laugh. It was the ability for those, the most torn up to let go and enjoy themselves, that most moved me. I died young, but I knew I was dying, so in a way I grew up fast, early, and learned to see things through mature eyes. Wishing I had forever, but knowing I didn’t – I wanted to take in everything I could before I was seeing it from another view - the view from this side. I somehow knew that I would still be able to see everything from where I was going, but I also wanted to feel it all. I wanted to feel the pain and the angst and the fear, because I knew that with that came the feeling of ecstasy and love and anticipation and joy – that become our memories. A first kiss and a last goodbye. A first touch and the memory of that are the same sensation. I didn’t want to leave the earth without taking those sensations with me.
When you pour wine from a bottle into a glass and you watch it swirl and tumble around in it, you don’t see the inner workings of the wine. You see the finished product – the color, the scent, the taste, the memories of the last time you had this wine, or the first time you smelled it, and what you were thinking about then. You don’t see the crushing of the grapes, the tinting of the alcohol, the choices that go into what the finished wine will be. This is intended, and it is such with life. You see what you are meant to see, because if you see the whole process and recipe, you don’t experience it the same way, and it is important that you experience life the way it is meant to be experienced. You must get out of it what you are meant to get out of it, and it is set up to be as such for you. Take it for what you see it as. Enjoy even the bitter tastes, because it all means that you are getting it. It means that you are doing what you came to do, and isn’t it wonderful that you are here?
I do know that it does not always seem that way. But do try to be a witness to what you are seeing and feeling, hearing and tasting, at the point in time that you decided to join the souls on earth. You chose everything you have for specific, important reasons. Revel in it. Taste everything. Love everyone. There is so much to try, so much to explore. My time on earth was short, but so is yours, even if you live to be one hundred. It does go by so quickly, and everything you are there to encounter, is everywhere around you. Don’t miss it.
